Why do I not automatically run to God? Why do I run to this friend or this thing and that, when God is so near me and will hear even my pleading whispers in the night? Why do I continually worry over devised plans when deep down I KNOW they will most likely fail without His aid? Am I in control of destiny? Surely not, so why do I struggle so when I struggle to control even my meager actions?! Why not at once do I throw myself at His feet and offer up my burdens to Him; knowing full well that He of all can carry all?! I see that my deliverance is not here but out there; not upon this rock hurtling through space! Hush, quiet, still yourself… feel Him near… Ok, calm water, the sky’s reflection, blue on blue, shimmering ever so… I feel… and know that I am not alone.
It says that I don’t have to ask for permission to ask for help. The word WHOSOEVER is a universal one in my mind and it includes us, anyone who seeks the path, follows the path, strays from the path and cries for help. I try to follow God, begrudgingly, fitfully, but inevitably, for I know that there is but one way to live beyond this limited body of animated dust. Out there somewhere, beyond, not here.
So we must remember to call upon Him because He made a promise to us… whether urgent or deep with regret, we need but ask. I FEEL THIS but fear it as well. My only evidence is the many times seeing love in the eyes of my wife and children. That love originates from a deeper, ethereal place, that no man has ever truly been but yearns for at his core. Without my four children and wife I would not have seen the truth of what bone deep love is, let alone realizing that love has an origin that denies comprehension and can reach limitless dimensions.
I have to let go of control to defeat my fears. Control is a fickle thing, at fleeting experience, like candy – an instant of sweetness and joy but gone in an instant leaving us wanting, empty. In my core I know what is good and right and I battle with all the temptations that assail me daily and the desire to take control. Control, a fickle thing indeed.
He made me a promise and will find the way for us. I need but ask diligently and recognize and follow his instructions when they are given.
I am calling you God. Can you hear me? Can you really hear me? Ah, I worried so, that you had not heard. So please, watch over us?
We are so very conscious of our need and will to follow if you will have us…