I often find myself longing for extended moments of aloneness that will allow me to stop and consider what the hell all this busy-ness is really for…

 I used to find a half hour or so by waking up at around 4:30am and just mulling over all that’s happened in recent days.  Now however, even if I’m up at 3:00am, I find myself faced with a small face peeking around the door to my den looking sad and in need of a hug.  I crumble and greet them lovingly, putting aside my need to simply delve into my mind and seek out one, just one, seamless exotential thought…

Day after day I doggedly go to work and struggle with the policitcal BS in corporate America; and for what?  Certainly not to change the world; I gave that up years ago.  To climb the corporate ladder?  I’ve discovered my friend, that that ladder is a useless amalgamation of metaphors and deception, resulting in empty promises and even emptier rewards. 

I’ve discovered years ago, and struggled with daily thereafter, that I am a man who is extremely comfortable with being alone thinking about everything and nothing but simple peace at being alone in thought.  But on the other hand, I’m a man who deeply loves his wife and children; that which is the thief of time in deep thinking.  I often find that I am a two-sided coin.  On the one side, stuggling to be the husband and father my family so richly deserves.  Yet, on the other side, I’m a caged adventurer with a lust for battle and real change; thrashing against the other side of the coin.

 Anyone out there dealing with this???  Are there other devoted family men who, at their hearts, are raging spirits in want of adventure and testing to a plateau of manhood reached only by life or death trials?  Or is everyone else caged with domestication and work????